apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize