I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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