I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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