My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
