went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
