so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
