my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
