Farmville is her only friend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
