Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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