My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
