i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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