i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
