how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
