I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize