i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
