Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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