This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
