You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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