It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
