this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
