Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
