I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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