I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
