somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize