Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
