i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
