"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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