i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
