Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
