I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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