You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
