youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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