You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
