I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
