Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
