I bet he comes in French.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
