You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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