I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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