dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
