I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
