he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
