When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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