one two three fourrrrnication!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
