I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You ruined the universe
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
