I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize