I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
