I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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