If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize