Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
