I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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