that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
