i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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