I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
