omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
