Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
