Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
