I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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