Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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