operation have a gay friend backfired
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize