dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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