I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
