New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
