Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
