It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
