did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
