I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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