my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
