she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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