tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Houston, we have a squirter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize