I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
