I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
